“You’ve got to try this, I just got my energy rebalanced and I feel amazing, you’ve got to go get some energy work done!” This is how I was sold on reiki. Naturally I read anything I could possibly find on the internet. I was skeptical but willing to be convinced. I wasn’t prepared…
Terry is my reiki master. When I booked with her, I booked with the intention of regaining my motivation for training. Somehow I completely forgot about that during the days of research.
I walked in this evening, less stressed than normal from my workday. When I arrived she was on a call with her ex boyfriend. I chuckled “funny, I’m having dinner with mine tomorrow” which led us right into emotions. We talked for a bit, and I tried to push everything aside. Just cram it down. Figures, Terry had just told me disease comes about as a result of pushing things down and burying them. Reiki is about letting it out, she told me. Deep breath. I’m so not ready to let everything out.
I took my spot on the table and focused on clearing my mind. The only time I find I’m usually able to do this is when swimming. I don’t know what it is, maybe the lack of sound and visual stimulation, but I just don’t think about anything when I swim. I decided to relax, submit, and let my subconscious entertain me.
As I feel Terry’s hands on my head, I feel safe, comfortable, protected. I relax into my dream land.
I’m in a meadow, and I’m part of a caravan. We’re moving slowly, but happily. I’m not too aware of the rest of the caravan, I’m focused on a little girl, probably about 4 years old, who is identical to me as a child, she is my daughter. With her is her father, a strong, smiling masculine figure who absolutely adores her. There’s so much joy – the destination is highly anticipated. At one point surreal creatures, similar to what you’d see in a Cirque show begin dancing around us. I’m dancing too, and my body is weightless, it’s effortless. I stay in this area for a long time. No talking, just joy, laughter, dancing, happiness.
Then my brain shifts more to an abstract vision. It’s yellows and purples, pretty forms, and flowing lava. But I want to go back to the girl. The yellows remind me of her hair.
I’m on a beach now, but my daughter and husband won’t come close. They’re still moving through the meadow. I try to get them to come over to the beach, but I can’t get them, they don’t see me, won’t come over. I’m swimming, trying to clear my thoughts. I’m overwhelmed with sadness because they won’t come to me. Finally I regain a bit of consciousness and force the ending I want, but it doesn’t feel right, it feels cold.
I spent the last 10 minutes of my session trying hard not to cry. I knew Terry would ask me at the end how I felt, and what kinds of things I envisioned. I just prepared myself to not choke up and lose it… Forcing things down again.
When the session ended, Terry asked the anticipated questions. I told her about all the joy at the beginning. She responded “Really? I felt sadness. Hmmm, guess I was off.” I told her about the sadness at the end, but not in as much detail as I’ve described here. We talked for quite a bit longer, and I left, my body feeling good, but my mind spinning.
I wasn’t expecting this much emotion. I expected to feel balanced, or perhaps a bit of hope. We talked about the need to let people see inside of you, a thought that terrifies me to no end. Vulnerability is not something I’m comfortable with, I’m pretty much the definition of guarded.
I loved the session. I highly recommend it to anyone. I think it’s a good window into your own soul. Where will your mind go when you give yourself permission to think of nothing?
